On behalf of Sweetpea, I'd like to thank everyone for this wonderful award!  It is so incredibly cool... and very sweet.... that you would think of us at all!  And even more so that you would actually vote for us!  

So, from the tips of our never split ends... we THANK YOU for honoring us!

To find out the other winners, click HERE.  I'm sure you will see other bloggers that you know and love!  The company here is fantastic!

Dear GMA: I Want You To Know...

Dear GMA,

There's a few things I Want You to Know...

I've heard about your segment with Ricki Lake all day.  What I like to call... "The Lake Mistake".  About how, once again, the public was informed that Juvenile (Type 1) Diabetes is a preventable disease. 

Being at work, I didn't see it live. However, I just watched it. And even though I KNEW...  I KNEW what was going to be said. It still made me want to cry.  It still made me want to scream.... 

 TYPE 1 DIABETES IS NOT PREVENTABLE. It is NOT caused by diet or lack of exercise. Type 1 is an AUTO IMMUNE DISEASE! 

 Why does this hurt so much? Why can't I just chalk it up to a mistake and let it go at that?

Because my daughter was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes just weeks after turning 3 years old. She weighed 25 pounds.  She was skin and bones. She was deathly ill.  She had never tasted soda.  She had never had a sucker until she was 2.  We have no history of diabetes in either of our families. It came out of the blue and changed our lives forever. 

We now deal with this deadly disease every single day. We test her blood sugar around 10 times a day. We get up at least once (although it's often more) a night to check her blood and make sure she is still alive.  We count every carbohydrate that goes into her mouth. We insert needles into her body every day.  

She wears an insulin pump 24 hours a day - 7 days a week. Just to stay ALIVE.

If you have ever had to hold your child down, while she kicks and screams and BEGS you not to hurt her, to give her a shot of the medicine that keeps her alive... and done that five or more times a day...  You know it's hard to just let that hurt go. 

How do we find a cure when celebrities keep going on television and getting it wrong? Who wants to donate money to help us find that cure if the disease was something we could have prevented? NO ONE. 

I want a cure. I want to be able to go to bed at night without worrying that diabetes is going to steal my child's life away while I sleep. I want to go a few hours without seeing her blood. I want to never pierce her skin with a needle again. I want her to have a long, healthy, complication free life. I want a cure. We NEED a cure!

Every mistake sets us back. 

And we don't have time for this.

Right now, there is a disease raging thru my child's body. Causing damage. No matter how good our care is. Because no matter what we do, we will NEVER be as good as a "real" pancreas.

Hearing this is a smack in the face. 

We struggle every day to keep our kids alive. Every single one. 

We worry. We don't sleep at night. We spend THOUSANDS of dollars on medical supplies and equipment. We watch everything they eat. We take them to the endocrinologist every three months.  We hold our children while they cry in pain. We hide our own tears.

 

 One week of supplies...

I commend Ricki Lake for apologizing.  Not only did she release a statement but she also apologized on The Joy Behar Show.  I think she's sincere.  I think it was an honest mistake.

I appreciate your correction. I appreciate you taking this seriously.

But while an apology is nice.....  

It still stings.

That's why I'm looking forward to your show tomorrow when I hear a LIVE ON AIR correction will be made!

There are so many of us living with diabetes who would LOVE the opportunity to share with you and your audience about this disease.  My daughter is one.  Noah, The Diabetes Dude is another.  I'm sure they, along with all the other Diabetes Dude Ambassadors, would happily flock your studios to tell you all about life with Type 1.  And how they might have diabetes, but they don't let diabetes have them. 

Living with diabetes is hard. 

Knowing that people understand... Knowing that people "get it".... Knowing that people care....  

It makes living the D Life a little easier.

Conversations

It started like so many of them do

"Mom?" a little voice says from the back seat.

It's 8 am. We have not been up and dressed and out this early in weeks. Two weeks to be exact.

"Yeeees?" I answer, trying to shake off the early morning brain fog. (Hey, that's early for me.  I'm NOT a morning person.)

I'm used to the conversations. She's got something on her mind. She usually does. She asks things like, "What's inside of a tire?" "How do you make paper?" "What makes cement get hard?" "If we out candles on the birthday cake for Jesus, who will blow them out?"

"So...." she begins.

I can tell it's going to be a good one.

"One day when I have a baby - if it throws up I'll take it to the hospital. And I'll find out that it has diabetes.  And I'll learn to give it shots. I bet it will cry. But then it can get a pump. I'll learn how to to out the pump on the baby. And then I'll be able to put my own pump on!"

Oh my. It's too early for this. I haven't even had any caffeine. 

"Well, Sweets- you know that one day when you're grown up and you have a baby of your own..... Your baby might not have diabetes. Just because you do doesn't mean your baby will.".

"Oh. Really?"

"Yes. Really. And you'll learn how to put your own pump on before that!  Mommy and Daddy will teach you when you're ready."

"Ok. But I'm not ready yet."

"I know, Sweetie. That's ok. We'll start by just having you test your own blood sugar. You can already do that almost entirely by yourself. Then we'll learn how to count carbs."

"Ok. I just don't like pushing the button."

"I know. You'll get used to it when you're ready."

"So what are we doing after school?"

Such a sweet little conversation. I love being able to see what she's thinking about. So sweet. A little sad.

And kind of .... Ironic, isn't it? After my post yesterday about letting go.

Honestly, I'm surprised she's not already doing more on her own. She's very much, "NO!  I can do it MYSELF!" in all other aspects of life.

But I figure that she will do it when she's ready. No rush. No reason to push. So we don't. And we hold that ring.... For now.

How did her day go? 

44. I decided to check her before she left with my parents. I don't usually. Today I did. I had a feeling. Then 71. Then 104.  Then 305. Ugh!  Then back in range.

We'll see what tomorrow brings! 

You just never know....

Blood sugar OR what's going to come out of her mouth!

*ps- I posted the blog "One Year Ago Today" a few days ago. I'm in the process of moving the posts still on the old blog over to the new one. That was one of those posts. It should have been back dated April 25, 2009. Sweetpea's dx day is April 27, 2010. Sorry for the confusion!!*

Going Back.... and Moving Forward

Tomorrow is our first day back at school after our winter break.

I can hear Mothers all over the country rejoicing!

However... for me, it means back to work.  

Back to the daily grind.  Back to the crazy busy schedule.  Back to strict bedtimes and routine.  Back to exhaustion.  

Back to giving up control.

Do you know what the best part of vacation is for me?  

There are so MANY things I love and enjoy.... but one of the biggies is that I am totally in control of Sweetpea's diabetes.  

While she's home, I'm not having anyone else count carbs and bolus.  I'm not dealing with the mid morning school snack that pretty much makes returning to a normal blood sugar after breakfast carbs and before eating again impossible.  I'm not going by what anyone else is telling me.  I'm not looking at the Dex later and trying to figure out what happened when and why.  I'm not having to trust anyone elses judgement.  I'm not having to deal with D or treat D over the phone.  

No... When we're home - I'm ON IT.  I know exactly what's going on.  I can SEE it.  I can get her to go 3 hours between meals.  I can be more aggressive with bolusing.  I can try new things.  I KNOW the carb counts for food and I know how it affects her and I know (most of the time, anyway) how to bolus her for it.  I can see in her behavior what's going on.  


I feel like I'm really, truly giving it my all.  Does that mean it's perfect when we're home?  HELL NO!  BUT.... I know I've done everything humanly possible to get it right and I find that when I'm there, I can figure out how I might turn those... mishaps... into successes.  


I don't like not being in control.  

I can't help it.  I just feel like... "Well... Here we go again.  Give it a week and I'll feel like I no longer have a handle on things."
Yes, I know I won't be controlling her diabetes her whole life.

Yes, I know it's good for both of us to allow others to take on some control and responsibility.


But I don't have to LIKE it!


Maybe there's a deeper issue here.... You know, other than me being a control freak!


Last week, I read a wonderful post by Joanne over at Death of a Pancreas called One Disease to Rule it All.  She compared diabetes to Lord of the Rings.  Specifically, she compares diabetes to THE ring.  

Now, I'm not a LOTR fan.  I've never seen it.  I have no clue what it's about.  But her post really spoke to me.  


Especially THIS LINE:  
"There will come a day where the quest for me is over, and I will pass the ring onto Elise."

Here's the thing, folks.  

With all of my being...  With every ounce of everything I've got... 

I DON'T WANT TO TURN THE RING OVER.

I don't.  

Yes, I know it means sleeping thru the night (maybe).  I know it means gaining some mental space back.  I know it means giving up the constant THINKING about D... supplies, care, carbs, etc.  Yes, I KNOW.

But you see...  

It's bad enough that SHE is the one being poked and prodded and paraded to countless doctor visits.  It's bad enough that SHE is the one wearing the devices 24/7.  It's bad enough that it's HER fingers that look awful.  That it's HER blood we see so many times a day.  

I'd give ANYTHING to carry this ring, this burden for her forever.  

It's the least I can do, right?

It HURTS me to see her in pain.  It HURTS me to see her doing all of these things just to stay alive.  

But what hurts the most is knowing that it's not going away.  That one day, I will pass control on to HER.  

I will be done.  She will not.

It's quite possible that there is something I wish for just as much as  a cure.  

I wish it was ME.  

I'd do ANYTHING to take this disease from her.  I'd do ANYTHING to spare her.  I'd do ANYTHING to carry it forever.

This was not the life I wanted for her.  I'm sure it wasn't the life you wanted for your child either.  Even though we see and are thankful for the numerous blessings to come from diabetes....  NONE of us want it at the expense of our children.  Of their health.  Of their future.

It's not that I don't think she can handle it.  It's not that I don't think she's capable of taking care of herself and controlling her diabetes.

No....  I KNOW that this girl is going to give D a run.  I know she's going to give it all she's got.  She's tough.  She's a fighter.  She's not going to let it stop her.  She's not going to let it hold her back.  


If D had any sense, it should shaking in it's boots.  Cause she's coming...  


And trust me.... You don't want to tangle with her.  She doesn't take kindly to losing or being told what to do.

So, maybe when I get that sick feeling down in the pit of my stomach...  that constricting of my heart... when I am forced to acknowledge that diabetes will one day become HER ring...


With all of my being... With everything I've got...


I will HOPE that I never to have turn it over.


Because before that day comes... 


there will be a CURE.