Wiser Words

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

In the past few posts, (here and here) I've been talking about how diabetes has been forced to take a back seat over the past few months.  I've talked about how it's kind of melted into the background and become just a - dare I say? - normal part of our lives.

But before you start thinking I've found the magic elixir that puts diabetes in it's place and keeps it there, I guess I better come clean.

It hasn't been all rose colored glasses.

Nope.  The glasses are definitely still tinted blue.

The other day I was spending a few minutes (*wink*) browsing on Pinterest when I saw this quote:


And it just stopped me in my tracks.

Wiser words have never been spoken.

I might be able to push diabetes into the background.  I might be able to ignore it for awhile.  I might be forced to put other things ahead of it from time to time.  And that might be a good thing.

But none of that makes it go away.

About a week ago, Mr. Funky ( our Elf on the Shelf) came back to visit us. Sweets had been asking about him for days.  And then one morning, he showed up!  And boy did he show up!  He brought with him a very special breakfast and letter from Santa (more on that later).

Sweets was over the moon with excitement!  The snowman was made of donuts, laffy taffy, chocolate chips, a mini peanut butter cup and m&m's.  Yummy!



Sweets had been running low and when we tested her before breakfast the number that popped up on the meter was a big, fat 54.

Sweets was happy because this meant she could eat the WHOLE THING!

As I stood there watching her eat her special treat, I say a normal six year old little girl brimming with Christmas excitement!

And I also saw a six year old little girl whose hands were shaking.  She was having trouble eating.

THUD.

In that moment, all the pretense, all the fear, the pressure, the worry, the anger, the frustration, the hurt, the pain, the regret, the guilt.... all of it came crashing down around me.

The pain is still there.  It might be hidden under scar tissue.  You might not be able to see it unless you look close enough.  But it's all still there.

I didn't know if I wanted to scream or cry.  WHY?  WHY must she have to deal with disease?  WHY does it have to create havoc in her body?  WHY does it change the rules on me constantly?  WHY can't she just eat her special breakfast in peace?

We gave her some orange juice.  We never give her orange juice.

With a smile stretching across her toothless little face she said, "This is the best low EVER!"

*sigh*

Sweet, sweet girl.  I'm glad that's how she sees it.  I'd walk to through fire to make sure that she keeps that positive outlook.  D kids (and peeps) are amazing like that.  Tough as nails.  Sweet as sugar.

I tell myself not to let it bother me.  If it's no big deal to her...  Why should I let it get to me?

But those shaking hands.  They tear the scars off a Mama's wounded heart.


Photobucket

10 comments:

  1. I saw that quote as well and can soo relate! Wow orange juice that must have been great for her. Natalie says the same things about lows and it just breaks my heart. They sure can't feel good when they are that low, but they still get excited about the sugar. It is all heartbreaking.

    ReplyDelete
  2. A priceless quote for sure. ((HUGS)) I feel ya

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hugs. We're having big trouble with BB at the minute. He seems to either be running really low or really high. We're coping, but at this time of year all I want to do is swear at every candy covered card for reminding me that our babies have to deal with so much.

    ReplyDelete
  4. HUGS & LOVE for all of you!
    Xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  5. Sorry she was low, but I'm glad she was also safe and had a great BG correction in front of her.

    Thanks for these wise words. God bless.

    ReplyDelete
  6. You've brought home a very imortant lesson. My heart goes out to parents who stand by and watch their child deal with this disease. It is hard enough for us adults who have this disease, but the children....just not fair.

    PWD

    ReplyDelete
  7. Ugh, I can so relate. DD had a 54 before lunch at school this week. When the school nurse asked her if she wanted a juice (over tabs or smarties) DD just stared at her blankly. The nurse made the decision; she had the juice box. I hate that my brilliant daughter (seriously, straight A's!) could not operate to her full potential because of this disease!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Almost a year into this and people always ask if it's become our new normal...if we're all "settled in" and "used to it." I always tell them yes, for the most part, but there are still moments when the thought of it takes my breathe away. Then I look at my little precious Not-T1D-yet-but-3-positive-autoantibodies 2 year old and think "Please God, not her, too" and realize the wound is still there. Hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Wow - what a moving post. I'm sorry she had to go through that low, and that you guys had to go through the emotional suck watching her.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Ugh! Rips at my heart, too! So thankful that our kids roll with all the crap better than we do.
    HUGS!!

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for commenting! Comments = Love

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails