Recently, I have found myself looking at other families and wondering what their world is like.
Sometimes, I feel a pang of jealousy. Usually it's when I see kids eating chips straight from the bag or drinking something that has not been carefully measured.
But mostly, I just wonder what it's like to have a child WITHOUT diabetes.
And I realized that I can't remember life before.
I think the reason I can't imagine what it would be like to have a child WITHOUT diabetes is that I've never had one.
You see, Sweetpea was diagnosed shortly after turning 3. The three years that we had her in our lives before D, she was a baby. I know what it's like to have an infant without diabetes. And a toddler - sort of.
But not a child. Because I've never had a child without D.
Now, don't get me wrong. I don't look at other families and get all depressed and "woe is me". It's not like that. It's more just curiosity. Saying to myself, "Hmmm... I wonder what that's like?"
It made me think of a conversation I had with the Hubbs. He has horrible eyesight. I mean REALLY bad. You might think your eyes are bad. I did. Until I met him and realized that my eyes are very good compared to his! He wears the strongest contacts made and then also wears glasses on top of that. He's close to being considered legally blind. And he's been that way for as long as he can remember.
One day we were talking about the stars. And he told me that he's never seen the stars. Not in the sky. Only in pictures or at a planetarium. Never really seen them.
And that made me sad. I just couldn't fathom never being able to see the stars.
But it doesn't bother him. When I asked him if it made him sad, he said, "No. They're just stars."
He's never seen them. He doesn't know what he's missing.
So when I think about what it's like to have a child without diabetes, it's the same thing. I don't get sad or mad. It's just that I've never had one. I don't know what I'm missing.
And, for the record, I'd choose my Sweeptea every day, every time or another child without diabetes. I love HER. I want HER. Diabetes or not.
Sweetpea doesn't know what she's missing either. She can't remember life before. She can't remember a world that didn't include diabetes.
And my hope is, that as Sweetpea gets older, she feels the same way.
I hope that when she sees other children eating without worrying about how many carbs they are consuming, or children who can freely run to their friend's houses, children who don't visit the nurse at school on a daily basis, or children don't have to bleed before they eat....
I hope that if someone asks her if it makes her sad, her answer is "No".
Because she's never known it any other way. And to her, it's just the way it is.