Destination ME

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

This post has been a long time coming.

I'm swamped with back to school stuff that's calling my name.  But I can't wait any longer to write this. It needs done.  Now.

This is not the most comfortable thing to write.  It's not the easiest subject.  But I'm doing it anyway.

Partly because I need the motivation and accountability.  Partly because I know that if I feel this way, someone else does too.

So where do I begin???

Me.

Way back... Like 10 years ago.  I loved to exercise.  I did Jazzercise or walked on the treadmill every day.  I really wanted to become a Jazzercise instructor.  I ate healthy.  I WAS healthy.

I got married.  We moved.  We had a baby.  There was no time to teach Jazzercise in addition to a full time job and a baby.  But I still went to class.  I was dancing and walking until almost the day before Sweets was born.  And I was back at it not long after.

But it was harder.  After working all day, I wanted to spend time with my baby when I got home.  I wasn't exercising every day anymore.  But I was still pretty healthy.  And the pregnancy weight dropped off quickly.  All but 8-10 pounds.  I was pretty much ok with that.  I thought that once she was a little older it would be easier to find time to exercise.

But that didn't seem to happen.  I quit Jazzercise when we moved.  I tried to go back a time or two... but it never worked.  Class was too far away or at dinner time... It was just too hard.  I tried to get on the treadmill consistently.  It was really hard when she was so young.  I was consistent at all.

But I kept thinking... just a little bit longer.  When she's just a little bit older.

And I was almost there.  I was working out more regularly than ever before.  I was feeling good.

And then.... diabetes entered our lives.

And all the progress I had made went up in smoke.

I had a three year old with type 1 diabetes.  I hardly slept.  We ate at fast food restaurants a LOT at first because there was nutritional information and I just couldn't handle cooking, carb counting, and holding down a screaming toddler to give her a shot.

I don't think I really need to tell you that I was not exercising.

So... stress, lack of sleep, poor diet, no exercise.... I gained a lot of weight.

And I didn't even notice.  I wasn't looking in the mirror.  Not really.  I was just trying to survive.

I would come home after a long day at school and want to spend time with Sweets.  I almost always bring work home with me.  So dinner.  Time with my girl.  Work.  Exhaustion sets in and there just isn't room for anything else.

Last year, I was finally, once again, finding my way back.  Sweets was older.  D was more "normal" and had become just another part of our lives.  She was not going to my school anymore which helped me get more done and have less to bring home.  I was ready.  I had a plan.  J would exercise during the day and I would have time once I got home.

And then he had a heart attack.

I was totally thrown for another loop.

He was making sure he was eating healthy and exercising.  But not me.  I just could not get it together. I felt like I was barely holding it together for everyone else.  Taking care of everyone else.  And there just was not time for me.

I gained more weight.

The past year has been mostly a mental block.  J would encourage me to exercise and eat healthy.  But I just couldn't figure it out.  How in the world do I work all day with needy five year olds, take care of my T1 daughter, take care of my post-heart attack husband.  Keep up with the house.  Take Sweets to lessons and practice and actually COACH her cheer squad.  Keep on top of school work and lesson plans.  And actually have any time at all for me?

Last year, I didn't.  I couldn't.

But it is time.

It's time for ME.  To take care of ME.

I know that I will never be the girl I was 10 years ago.  How could I be?  I've seen too much and been through too much.  And honestly, I don't want to be her again anyway.

But I don't want to lose her completely.

I've got find a way to keep some of her and add those parts to who I am now.

This is how I'm going to do it.  Destination ME.  This is my journey.

It's not all about weight loss.  Do I want to lose weight?  Yes.  Am I going to do weekly weigh ins and post results?  No.

It's more than weight.  It's eating healthy - not to lose weight but to BE HEALTHY.  It's getting enough sleep.  It's relaxing.  It's doing the things I used to enjoy and never do anymore.  It's reading.  It's crafting.  It's exercising.  It's taking care of my body.  And my soul.

So I'm going to try to do a weekly post called Destination ME.

I'm going to come up with a goal for the week.  It may be small.  It may be big.  It may have to do with diet and exercise.  It may not.

I don't know what this road is going to look like until I start walking.

But I hope I won't be walking it alone.

If you feel the way I do...
If anything I've said resonates with you...
If you need to find yourself again...
If you need to start taking of YOU...

Join me.

You don't have to do my goal.  Come up with your own.  Write your own post and link up here.  If you don't blog, just leave your goal in the comments.

Let's help each other get there.  To where ever THERE may be.

I'm starting small.  This is my first week with all 30 of my kinders and I KNOW I am going to be flat out exhausted and have LOTS of school work to do each night when I get home.  So my goal is SLEEP.  I tend to stay up waaaaaay too late.  Add to that overnight checks.  Tired Mama.  So my goal is get in bed with all electronics OFF by 11pm.  Earlier if possible.

That's it.  That's this week's goal.  I want to start getting more sleep.  I think it's going to help me with the exercise and eating healthy.  I think it's going to make me less of a grump!  I need it.  So that's it.  That's my goal for this week.  I'll let you know next week how I actually DO with this goal.  And seeing as though I was still working at midnight last night.... Ummmm, yeah.

So come on!  Join me!  Let's do this!

Destination ME.

Destination YOU.



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17 comments:

  1. I love this, and am so glad you are doing this for yourself!!

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  2. Read you post and it hit home with me as well. It's been almost 5 years, I now have a 10 year old T1 who is gaining independence and thus I gain some of my freedom back. You have inspired me to start to take better care of myself. Wish you great success on you journey.

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  3. I was pretty much where you were at Sweet's diagnosis when my daughter was diagnosed. I had spent the summer prior working out 4-6 days per week. I was eating really well. I lost about 25 pounds and was on the right track. And then D entered our lives. Its been nearly 2 years - Oct 9, 2011 is her Diaversary. I'm exhausted and stressed on not taking good care of myself. Which I need to do, to be here for those that need me. Its strange you posted this tonight...today was our first day back at school and I thought this would be a good week to start walking again. Get into the routine now, before school and work and life and, oh yeah, D get in the way. So, I am cheering you on and hope you are successful, just as I hope I am successful!

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  4. Wow. I felt like I was just reading everything I said to my husband just last night. I feel like I have become a shell of a woman, going through the motions and being consumed by daily demands. I know something needs to change, but being such an "all or nothing" kind of person, I get overwhelmed and frustrated so easily. Reading your blog hit home with me and made sense. I don't know how to create a blog or link up, but it is definitely something I would look into, as I know it would help my success. Thank you so much for sharing this right when I needed it!

    Danielle
    Mom to T1D ten-year-old

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  5. This resonates with me in so many ways - thank you. Thank you for this post. I've gone through similar experiences and my T1 daughter is nearly 10 years older than yours and has had diabetes for less than two years. But in that time (and probably in the years before) I have stopped taking care of me. I need to get myself back, and I have been thinking about this for months. For my situation, it seems like it would be easy - my daughter is in high school and fairly self sufficient in managing her diabetes. But she's also a teenager, and that by itself is trying without even adding the diabetes into it. What she needs now is a good example of healthy living - eating right, exercising and getting enough sleep. I am not a good example of any of that right now. But that's going to change. Getting enough sleep is the place to start, so I'll be making that my goal this week as well. I haven't written a blog post (yet), but I will post a link when I do (hopefully tomorrow). My blog is http://www.maybeads.blogspot.com - and blogging is another thing I've let fall by the wayside, so this will help me get back on track with that, too.
    Thanks for the inspirations!
    Lauren

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  6. This resonates with me in so many ways - thank you. Thank you for this post. I've gone through similar experiences and my T1 daughter is nearly 10 years older than yours and has had diabetes for less than two years. But in that time (and probably in the years before) I have stopped taking care of me. I need to get myself back, and I have been thinking about this for months. For my situation, it seems like it would be easy - my daughter is in high school and fairly self sufficient in managing her diabetes. But she's also a teenager, and that by itself is trying without even adding the diabetes into it. What she needs now is a good example of healthy living - eating right, exercising and getting enough sleep. I am not a good example of any of that right now. But that's going to change. Getting enough sleep is the place to start, so I'll be making that my goal this week as well. I haven't written a blog post (yet), but I will post a link when I do (hopefully tomorrow). My blog is http://www.maybeads.blogspot.com - and blogging is another thing I've let fall by the wayside, so this will help me get back on track with that, too.
    Thanks for the inspirations!
    Lauren

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  7. I have not wrote in our blog in 4-EVERRRRRRR! Like almost 8mths but here it is and I so want to do this. Sleep is what I need too.

    http://sweetandsassysdiabeticcourage.blogspot.com/

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  8. I need to do this too... I have even forgotten what I once enjoyed doing. So my goal for this week will be to only have 1 cup of coffee a day.

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  9. Day by day! Good for you Hallie! Baby steps, add a few minutes here, cut a few calories there...before you know it, CHANGE is in the air!

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  10. Yay you! I decided last year I needed to put my helath first and a month later BB was diagnosed at Type 1... still I managed to keep it up for the most part and have actually just started this last couple of weeks going to bed at 10pm. The difference is amazing already!

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  11. We are better wives and mothers if we take care of ourselves first! Think oxygen masks on airplanes! And it all goes hand in hand, eating healthy and getting exercise lead to sleeping better which leads to feeling better. I love that your focus is not weight loss first. When we eat healthy and exercise, the weight will come off. And remember the weight gain doesn't come on overnight and it won't come off over night. Love you Hallie and how much you help others. Now focus on you!

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  12. This is great! I go through phases where I feel like I forget to take care of myself. I don't want to leave Vince alone. He is alone all day long while I am at work so to leave him alone for me to go out one evening or on a Saturday, and leave him alone, is just too much in my eyes. The guilt is too much. But I am getting better. I am trying not to turn down offers for a lunch with friends or an evening for Happy Hour with co workers. That has been my goal lately. To not forget about me. Because I know when I don't take time for me, it affects my stress level and my patience with taking care of him, and that is not fair to him (or me) So, GOOD FOR YOU HALLIE! XOXO

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  13. Great post! We are only 1 1/2 yrs out from diagnosis, and I know I need to get back some of my old self. Before D, one of my favorite things to do was cook and try new recipes (my daughter with D's too). Ha! That went out the door while we were in survival mode, but slowly it is coming back. Scrapbooking is my other big one. Since having kids, time for it got less and less, and I need to take time to tap into that creative side of myself.

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  14. Going to start running again...my hubby and I have a goal to do the TQL Urban Race in October. Running starts tomorrow a.m.

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  15. Your doing it!!!!! Were doing it!!!! EEEEEK!!!! Get ready to kick butt girl!!! YOU.CAN.DO.IT!!!

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  16. http://keepingupthechase.blogspot.com/2013/09/me-and-zzzzzzz.html Great post, Hallie. Above is my ME.

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