Thirty

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Thirty.

No, I'm not talking about how many kinders are in my class this year (although that IS the right number...).

I'm talking about the number that popped up on the meter a few weeks ago when we tested Sweets.

30

That's definitely an "oh shit" moment.

I take pictures of lows.  Later - not in the moment. I don't know why... Just to prove it really happened?

Especially if you have just given her insulin for food.

It was one of those perfect storm situations.  She had been treated for a low and her bg had come up.  She had a snack and we waited until after she was done to bolus... Just to make sure.

Everything looked good.  Insulin was given.

Dex was in start up mode.  So he was no help at all.

Not five minutes pass...

"I feel low".

When she feels it, it's never good.

It was a bad one.  One of those not easily forgotten lows.  The kind that leaves all of us shaken.

We gave her smarties.  She started crying.  She was having trouble eating them.

I could tell by her eyes.  She wasn't really there.  They were kind of glazed over.  She was talking - but she wasn't with us.  Not completely.

I tried to get her drink juice.  She was trying.  But it wasn't easy.

She was still crying.  She wanted to lay down.

She was getting combative.  She didn't want the juice.  She wanted us to leave her alone.

Finally, I had to pull out the big guns.  I said "Sweets... Look at me.  Can you drink this or not?  If you can, you've got to do it NOW."

"OK" she cried.  And she tried again.  And she was able to get most of it down.

She knows what that means.  It's the unspoken.  I don't have to tell her I'm going to get out the glucagon.  She just knows.  She knows if she can't or won't down the sugar then that's going to happen.

It's not a punishment.  It's reality.  She knows she needs it if she can't eat the sugar.

It works for us.  It's the silent - "Yes, it's THAT bad.  You are THAT close.  You are going to either pass our or have a seizure or both.  So if you can, you've got to do it NOW. No more taking your time.  No more resting in between bites or sips.  You've got to do it NOW."

She wanted to go to sleep.  I wouldn't let her.  I had her laying against me.  I was stroking her hair and rubbing her back.  It wasn't but a few minutes and I could see the fog lift from her eyes.

She was back.

It's the strangest thing.  I have a hard time explaining it.  Putting it into words.

But there are times when I just know she is not there.

Unfortunately, I guess it comes from experience.

We had another one just last week.

I don't know whether these lows are worse or if she's just feeling them more.  I can SEE it more.  SEE it affecting her.  I can tell she is at that tipping point...

It's scary as hell.

Of course, I am calm, cool, and collected throughout.  I hold it together really well.

I guess that comes from experience, too.

It's later when I feel like puking and can't stop shaking.

She doesn't like those lows.  She doesn't like feeling that out of control and that close to losing consciousness.

I don't like them either.

For the same reasons.

D takes away my control.  It makes me feel helpless.  And while we may be getting used to it....

I will never like it.


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16 comments:

  1. I am so very sorry. Glad she was able to drink the juice and come back up. Hugs to you both. D can take a long walk off a short pier.

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  2. So scary! I'm so glad she was able to get the juice down. Big hugs!

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  3. Tears in my eyes as I read this...sooo scary!!!

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  4. Tears in my eyes reading this...sooo scary!!!

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  5. Uggh! What a pain! You are AMAZING to just have her do what is necessary without lots of conversation. There is no way we can converse when we are that low. God bless you, Hallie!

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  6. Uggh! What a pain! You are AMAZING to just have her do what is necessary without lots of conversation. There is no way we can converse when we are that low. God bless you, Hallie!

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  7. God bless you Hallie for just having her do what is necessary and not trying to reason with her! There is no way we can talk or reason when we are low! You rock, girlfriend! Big hugs from Tennessee!

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  8. You're doing such a great job with her! I can only imagine what it's like to watch your child go through that. But I can tell you from experience that even when you think we're not all there, you are giving us a lifeline to cling to. A way to pull ourselves back from wherever it is those horrible lows fling us. A way to find ourselves again. To me, that lifeline is more precious than the glucagon or even the insulin that keeps us alive. That lifeline is what keeps us fighting D with everything we have because if you don't give up then who can we?

    Lots of hugs & love coming your way from Texas. :)

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  9. You're doing such a great job with her! I can only imagine what it's like to watch your child go through that. But I can tell you from experience that even when you think we're not all there, you are giving us a lifeline to cling to. A way to pull ourselves back from wherever it is those horrible lows fling us. A way to find ourselves again. To me, that lifeline is more precious than the glucagon or even the insulin that keeps us alive. That lifeline is what keeps us fighting D with everything we have because if you don't give up then who can we?

    Lots of hugs & love coming your way from Texas. :)

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  10. I know that look all too well. That 'not all there look' and then all the sudden, they pop out of it. It IS scary as hell. I say something similar to Vince when he won't eat or drink. I threaten 'do you want me to get the needle?' And he has so many D and non D medicines that require needles, but even in the foggy state, he somehow knows what 'THE NEEDLE' intails. It's so scary, but like Vince always told me, once the sugar gets into his body, one way or another, even if he hasn't yet popped out of it, give it a few minutes and he will. Sometimes it takes time. But those few minutes feel like a lifetime when its a bad low. I cannot even begin to imagine doing these things with a child. Your OWN child. ugh. But we do it!! xoxo

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  11. Oh my gosh. We had a very similar experience a few days ago. My daughter had been in the 300s right before dinner, so she corrected and figured out what to put in for dinner. After dinner she was 102, so we thought we'd done a good job. About an hour later she called me to get her tester (which she should have had in her room) and she was at 50. She ate the smarties we keep in her test kit and I went to get juice, just in case. When I got back she had tested herself again and she was at 28! But she was still there. She's also older and bigger than your Sweets, so maybe that's why, I don't know. She'd never been that low before. She drank the juice and I ran to get more. I kept it together like you, I was just focused on my goal. She drank more and had more smarties and I never used the glucagon, although I was very close. Her numbers went back up, but it was a while until her body felt right. Her legs don't work when she's low (which is why I got her test kit and she didn't get up and get it), so that took a while to come back. Boy it was scary. I sure hope your daughter doesn't have to go through that again, and I'm glad she came out of it.

    Thank you for sharing these moments - they mean a lot and they really help. For someone like me, who hasn't dealt with that kind of low before, I appreciate your knowledge more than you know.

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  12. I'm so sorry you both went through this. As terrible as those lows feel, sometimes I think they are harder on our love ones than they are on us. :(

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  13. I hate the helpless feeling as a d-mom when I'm witnessing a low like this. I've literally dumped a couple of teaspoons of sugar into a glass of juice once just so I knew if she got any at all into her it would be fast-acting. So glad Sweets was finally able to get the juice down.

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  14. So scared. My four year old was just diagnosed with T1D on top of her autism diagnosis. I'm dealing with our first low now. But not that low! I just keep giving her honey on a spoon and checking every ten minutes. She's hovering in the 70's but has two hours of acting insulin left to go.

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