Why I do what I do

Monday, September 27, 2010

I sit here trying to get my thoughts in order.  WHAT am I going to blog about?  There is SO MUCH, folks, that is going through my mind.  I have SO MANY things waiting for me to have time to spill it all out.  It feels like I might run out of room soon.... and yet when I sit down, it's hard to get my thoughts in order.

Maybe it's the full moon.  Maybe that's what has been causing all these crazy lows, too.  And from what I read, we are not the only ones.  Low after low... change the basals... still low.  It's exhausting.  For ALL of us!  She never feels them, of course.  Thank the Lord for Dexie.  Her little beeps make me feel safer.

Maybe it's the converstaion Sweepea had earlier with Mimi after watching a show about making wishes...
Sweetpea:  I made a wish.
Mimi:  You did?  What did you wish for?
Sweetpea:  I wish there was a cure for diabetes.  Do you wish that?
Mimi:  Yes.  Every day.  And I pray for a cure, too.
Sweetpea:  So does Mommy.

She's only four years old.  She should be wishing for a pony.  Not a cure.

Maybe it's the walk.  We walk for a CURE on Saturday!  We're organizing our super cute shirts... And I've been fundraising like a mad woman!  A Dimes for Diabetes campaign is entering it's third week at school.  A McTeacher night to raise money for our Dimes for Diabetes campaign is set for the following week.  A fundraising night at Chick-fil-A is planned.  A 31 Party where 30% of sales goes to JDRF is also on the books.  I'm exhausted. 

My decision making ability is off.  I'm not on top of my game.  But I'm trying.

And I feel this post is going in a direction that has not been planned.  Not one of those things filling my "swelly hurty brain".

I know people wonder WHY I do all those things.  WHY am doing that many fundraisers?  WHY am I putting in so much effort?

Because I'm an overachiever?  Yes.  I am.  But that's not the whole story.

I do it because.... I have to.

When Sweetpea was dx'd - amost 18 months ago - I felt so scared.  So lost.  So helpless.  And at times, I still do.

I can not make this disease go away.  I can not make her better. 

All I CAN do is advocate.  I can raise money and awareness. 

I do this in hopes that her world will be a brighter and easier place to live.
I do this because I love her dearly.
I do this because I don't know what else to do.
I do this because it makes ME feel better to do SOMETHING.  ANYTHING.
I do this because my baby wishes for a cure.
I do this because I have HOPE.  HOPE than one day.... one day D will be a thing of the past.

I read this on the Cure Diabetes wall on facebook today.
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DRI's Diabetes Dad Tom Karlya on his daughter: "18 years ago today, Kaitlyn was diagnosed with diabetes. I have 2 choices: To tell you that Kaitlyn lives with DIABETES; or to tell you Kaitlyn LIVES with diabetes. I choose the latter. She is an amazing woman to whom the words 'no' and 'can't' do not exist. My promise remains, Baby, I'll stop when you (and now, Rob) have that luxury---and not 1 minute before. ♥."
Yup.  That's right on. 

Sweetpea LIVES with diabetes.  It's my job to make sure that is the case.  She, also, is an amazing girl.  "NO" and "CAN'T" don't exist for her, either (and not just because she's at THAT age!)

And that's my promise, too. 

I will stop when you can stop - and not one minute before.  I will blog.  I will fundraise.  I will count change.  I will flip burgers.  I will EAT MORE CHICKEN.  I will stay up late chasing highs and lows.  I will hold a juice box to your lips at 3 am.  I will monitor your ketones.  I will log your bg's.  I will use EMLA cream so you don't feel the pinch of the needle.  I will order your supplies.  I will make certain your teachers and caregivers UNDERSTAND how to care for you.  I will make you feel normal.  I will make sure you can always participate.  I will carry juice and Smarties and Glucagon wherever you go.  I will take you to the doctor, the hospital, endo.  I will hold you when you don't feel good.  I will try to understand when your moods change dramatically because of your blood sugar.  I will wipe your tears.  I will wipe your blood.  I will make sure that you LIVE with diabetes. 

I will anything and everything, my dear, sweet angel. 

I do this all for Ally.  For Nate.  For Elise.  For Jack.  For Joe.  For Sugar.  For Audrey.  For Justin.  For J.  For L.  For B.  For The Superhero.  For Olivia.  For Rose.  For Addison.  For Hayley.  For Sugar Boy.  For Cara.  For Audrey.  For Ellie.  For Justice.  For Ellery.  For Brianna.  For Avery.  For Cliffy.  For Landon.  For Larkin.  For Noah.  For Emma.  For Liam.  For Bekah.  For Alivia.  For Nick.  For today's 40. 

But mostly, I do this all for YOU.  And I will not stop until you can.  This I promise you. 

15 comments:

  1. She is so lucky to have such an awesome Mommy & Advocate!!! You are doing great! Hang in there, you are not alone.

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  2. Hallie, the end really got to me. THANK YOU, is simple all I can say. The Maher family greatly appreciates every dime raised, all of the awareness perked, the education taught...it benefits us all.

    Love.Love.

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  3. Thank you, Hallie for all that you do. The Houston Family thanks you. Nate thanks you. I thank you!

    Now perk up - - - you should be receiving a little pick me up this week from Nate. :)

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  4. Oh my lady. You have me on the floor. It really could not have been said better! Thank you!

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  5. You got me in the end Hallie...Tears!! I felt a little bit likeI was watching Romper Room...please say our name...please say our name! She did! She did! Tears...

    Thank you for your commitment. I hope someday that we will all enjoy the fruits of yours, and all the walkers, labors!

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  6. Beautiful. Simply beautiful. I am amazed at all you do!

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  7. Yep you got me at the end too...thanks for all you are doing! We walk on Sunday and your Sweetpea is on my list!

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  8. Beautiful post Hallie, you got the tears flowing early this morning. Thanks for doing what you do, and for the reminder of why what I do everyday is so important.

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  9. Well darn it, why did I pick today to start wearing mascara again?? You are just so passionate and I really hope I can become half the advocate and D-mom that you are. What a role model you are. Thank you for sharing. And I hope your walk goes great!!

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  10. Thank you for ALL that you do...from one d-mama to another!!! You are amazing and I am so happy that we have you on our side, working hard towards that goal of a cure. I am right there with you...

    I will not stop...I will always work hard to raise money, raise awareness and hopefully someday be able to tell my girls that "we did it"!

    Always hopeful, and always dreaming of a cure :)

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  11. This was an amazing post! thank you for all you do for all of us! And a special thank you for being a rock I can read and lean on as I am adjusting to this new normal life. I am so very thankful for you!

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  12. Beautiful! Thank you for such an amazing post! You are so wonderful, thanks for working so hard to help find a cure, because it really is for all of us! God bless you and your family! :)

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  13. sniff sniff!! I love you girl! You are an amazing friend and mom...

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  14. You made me cry! You're awesome!!! So honored to know u! Xoxo

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  15. The tears are rolling over here, too. What a beautiful post, and I SO get the message. I'm right there with you my friend, doing all I can, not just for Jack, but for all those affected by this blasted disease. ((HUGS))

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