Diabetes Made Me Do It

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Diabetes made me do it.

Totally.

I mean, really. I would NOT have been standing there nervously shifting from foot to foot, my eyes locked on my little girl doing gymnastics down below, while shoving Skittles in my mouth - one after another after another - if had NOT been for diabetes.



Ok, fine. Free will... blah, blah, blah. I'm responsible for my own actions. No one was force feeding me.

BUT... I don't care. I'm so blaming diabetes. If it wasn't for D, I would not have been fighting to hold onto a semblance of calm, forcing myself to stay put and let her be, pushing down that rising panic/fear/dread as hard as I could.

All the other parents were sitting there happily watching their kids. Or NOT watching their kids and instead reading a book. Or talking to friends. Or signing their kid up for the overnight.

Not me.

Stupid diabetes.

Maybe I should rewind and start from the beginning...

Yesterday was Sweetpea's first time in her new gymnastics class. She has moved up 2 or 3 times since last Spring. And THIS class uses the "BIG" equipment. This class uses the regular bars and beams and trampolines. So it's a BIG DEAL.

She was so happy! She was SO looking forward to this! And then when we got there, a friend from her class at school is also in this gymnastics class. Could it get any better?!? She could hardly wait to get started.

J took her to class and I met them there. He called me and said she was on the lower side (84) with IOB so he wondered if and what to give her. We decided some fat - that always holds her steady. M&M's usually are the perfect option. SHe downed 6g before class started.

Then, right as she was going into the gym, she beeped double arrows down.

Crap on a Stick.

I tested her again while she impatiently hopped from foot to foot watching the girls in her new class run into the gym. 

71

Well, Hell.  I gave her juice which she sucked down and ran off.

About 15 minutes later when they had moved over closer to the door to get drinks, I grabbed her and tested her again.  She was not thrilled with me.  "HURRY UP!  I don't want to miss something".

62

Are you frickin' kidding me?!?

I pull out the Smarties.  She had 2 packs - 12g.  Smarties ALWAYS work.  They work too well so I try not to use them often.  But if it was ever  a Smartie time - this was it.  She munched away and ran off with me calling after her, "If you feel weird, you let me or the teacher knoooooowwwww!"

And at the same time I realize that I'm out of juice and Smarties in the bag.  All I have left is Skittles - in colors that she won't eat (read: everything other than red) and Starburst.  I'm going over in my mind where I have extra juice boxes stashed - maybe one in my purse.... I KNOW I have at least one in the car.  There's also a snack bar upstairs....  We will be ok...

If you are wondering, she does not wear the cgm during gymnastics.  It gets in the way.  And she just does not want to answer questions about what she has on.  No one seems to notice the pod under her suit.  Although times like this, it makes me nervous to be without it, I really want to respect her wishes and help her learn to live with disease in a way that makes her happy and provides as little disruption and awkward moments as possible. 

As for letting her do her thing while she's low.... well, that's our decision.  I realize that you may not agree with us.  That is fine.  You don't have to. 

Was I nervous?  You bet I was.  That is why I was having a mini breakdown and shoving Skittles into my mouth like they were going to cease to exist in a matter of seconds.

BUT...  this was her first class.  She did NOT want to stop.  She did NOT want to leave.  I was right there.  I was watching her every move.  I was checking her every 15 minutes.  And for US, for OUR kid... it was the right thing to do.  I just absolutely refuse to let D interfere and mess things up any more than absolutely necessary.  We find a way to work around it.  And that was how we worked around it yesterday.

(So, please don't leave me nasty comments.  If you don't agree, fine.  Just respect my decision and the fact that we each know our own child better than anyone else and we know how to manage our child's diabetes better than anyone else.  One size never fits all for D...  So I will respect your choices and you respect mine.  Capiche?)

So, back to my nervous Skittle breakdown.  At one point I realized that I had NO IDEA what I was eating.  I was just eating.  Nervous energy.  Something to do.  And I realized I had to look like a total nut job and not the "calm, cool and collected" Mom that I was desperately trying to portray. 

Oh- well.



Next thing I know, Sweets is giving me a "Thumbs Down".

Something is not right. 

Well, has this not just been the most craptastic class ever?!?

She felt low. 

I was super pleased that she actually thought she felt low and then she actually SAID that she felt low.  She does not recognize her lows and then she also tends to ignore them if it's inconvenient for her to test.  She loathes testing.  Not the needle part as much as the interruption.  She also hates to let D - or all of it's time consuming tasks - keep her from anything.

She was 145.

Not low.  *SIGH*  I could finally exhale.

I asked her if she was ready to go.  If she just wanted to stop and go home and try again next week.  I told her it was ok, no big deal.... if she didn't feel good she should stop. 

"No way.  If I'm not low, I'm going back."

That's my girl.  Determined.

She finished the last 10 minutes of class.  She learned how to get on the big bars and swing.  I could see she was nervous about it.  But she stayed there until she did it. 

I'm proud of her. 

But I'm still totally blaming Diabetes for my Skittle meltdown - as well as the pounds I've gained since diagnosis. 

Hmmm.... Maybe I need a little of her determination....



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18 comments:

  1. Oh I have been there too eating nervously and you would think that being d-mommas we would know better about carbs and how they turn to sugar but NO I continue to gain weight. I love your sweet pea's spunk and vigor she is perfect and so are you and her dad for the way you handle her diabetes. I think it is fair for us to blame diabetes any bad choices we make.

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  2. I think you totally rocked it, let SweetPea participate like every other damn kid and she did! Who gives a flying fig what others think - they are not there with you and her and YOU know your daughter BEST. On a side note, have you tried a lowered temp basal for gymnastics class - I didn't see you mention it, that's why I bring it up. I lower G's for swimming by -30% and I start before she even swims! It might help, lowering it about 30 minutes before class starts, then throughout class. Just a thought. Oh and sorry for the Skittles eating, but you know what, it got you through it!!!!

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  3. Been there, done that! You and Sweet Pea are a great team!

    Kate's off for a three night overnight with her 6th grade class...without me! I'm a little freaked out....one night to go! No news is good news. But we're uploading her pump/CGM info as soon as she gets home, so I can see how it went.

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  4. It is too hard to stop an active little kid...you treated, you were right there, she felt okay to participate, you did great. I so get that fear and nervousness as you watch though, been there many times! At least it was skittles and not cookies or cupcakes ;-)

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  5. This sounds very familiar to me too! lol

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  6. I've been there, done that with myself. Have you tried pausing her pump for a little while for those persistent ones? Maybe go down to 50% for 30min? Especially since she was still active.
    Hugs to you!.. and sweetpea!! :-)

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  7. I've done the same thing with Elise... I always figure that much sugar has to kick in sometime! I think you are so right about letting her be a kid first.

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  8. Me too! Me too! Me too! We need to start a fb accountabity group for dmoms who need to drop a few pounds. I need to lose about 30. D made me do it. You make me feel not so alone. I really do feel by myself on this....

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  9. We had a similar experience with gymnastics a couple of weeks ago. Since gymnastics usually elevates my daughter's blood sugar, we treated her, turned off her basal and let her go have fun. Like you, we watched over her nervously for the entire length of her class. Luckily, her BS was perfect when class ended.

    Yea for you for letting Sweatpea do what she loves!

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  10. Totally skittlelicious, Hallie! You rocked it, and I would've been totally eating those skittles too. And great job working around it and doing what is needed in the way you know you can.

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  11. i was doing the exact same thing last weekend Hallie...like exactly...lol..down to the nervous munching on food as i paced back and forth in front of the window searching across the gym for signs of a low on her face. Total same same on this post. So glad you all made it thru, she enjoyed class, and all went good! HUGS to you!

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  12. So glad you posted this. So glad I'm not alone. I have the opposite experience last week. My daughter was high. Really high! Unexplainably high. 520! We haven't seen that since the hospital. Her ketones were negative and she was feeling FINE. To dance class or not to dance class? We danced! But, instead of dropping off and running errands like usual, I sat and watched and tested and corrected every 30 minutes. Diabetes tried to ruin our day, but I won't let it happen!!!!

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  13. There better not be any haters! I commend you for letting her be a KID!!! It is our JOB to manage behind the scenes! Way to go!!!!

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  14. I just wanted to let you know that this post reminded me of my mom when I was a child. She took some flak for it, but I turned out okay I think you managed this beautifully. Thanks for being such an awesome mom!

    Jayna

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  15. I feel like I just got "busted" as I'm reading this while shoving M&Ms in my mouth!!

    I'm glad that Sweets came up and was able to enjoy her first class!

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  16. no disagreement here - we've been in the exact same boat with gymnastics too and now I've informed people on the sidelines of our situation because many of them have been super useful when Isaac is being combatitive about consuming sugar ASAP. So, you are definitely not alone. Glad she had such a wonderful time, in the end :)

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  17. Ellie is in a dance class and they are now totally use to me popping in the class and grabbing a finger! Her class is only 45 minutes...damn D. 45 minutes in D terms can be A LOT of time! I think the other parents sometimes wonder why I sit on the floor right outside the closed door, but oh well! Ellie doesn't wear her Dexter in class sometimes too, I let her tell me if she wants it or if it's in the way. You did great and always do! ((hugs))

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  18. Now that I'm 28 (type 1), I think about all the things my mom let me do - phys. activity, spending the night away from home, giving myself shots when I was 5, etc. She taught me and was very disciplined, but let me be a kid at the same time, and it's the only way I learned to care for myself. I hit a wild spot in middle/high school where I was mad I had it, and I did whatever I wanted (I mean, I still took my shots and corrected the crazy highs), but I eventually got over it and am now in great control. I can't imagine the stress of being mother to a very young diabetic (or any diabetic for that matter) ... it sounds like you are doing a great job! My blog post today is about "dia-bee-tus barbie" if anyone could use a dose of haha's.

    shuginboots.blogspot.com

    Keep up the good work! :)

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