How many times a day do you save your child's life?
What a crazy thought.
Here's where it came from...
The other night, Sweets was running a little low. She had a low while in the bathtub scrubbing away all the grime collected from a day hard at work in school. She was in the mid 60's. So not too low... She was thrilled to have a juice box in the tub! What a treat!
After her bath, it was time for bed. I tested her and she had come up into the 90's.
I lay with her (or J does) until she goes to sleep. I don't mind this at all. It's a special time made for snuggles and books and sharing about the day and asking a million questions.
Soon she had fallen asleep.
I checked Dex. It was saying right about 100 and holding steady. Perfect.
But for some reason, I decided to test again.
She was 37. (Yes, I double checked.)
My heart sank into my toes.
I HATE lows that happen right as she falls asleep. It brings back bad memories. And it's awful to wake her up enough to treat the low.
For some reason, she can suck a juice box down in 3 seconds flat in the middle of the night without ever cracking open a peeper. But if she's just gone to sleep.... she is next to impossible to rouse.
I turned on the light. I sat her up. I managed to get her to drink. And a sighed a BIG sigh of relief.
But as I sat there with her... Holding her close... Pressing the straw to her lips... Encouraging her to drink...
There it was. The thought.
"How many times a day do I save my kid's life?"
Ok, maybe that is bit dramatic. (I AM known for my drama queenish tendencies, right?!?) But then again... not really.
What if I hadn't tested her? By the time Dex alerted us, how low would she have been? Would we have had to use the glucagaon again? Would she have had more seizures? Another trip to the ER? What if.... What if this time we weren't so lucky?
Most of the time, we treat this D life and the things it throws at us like we would treat an unexpected trip to the grocery. Just part of life.
Most of the time, we look at this life as just the way it is. It's our normal. We are used to it. Most of the time, it doesn't ruffle our feathers.
And we have to. We HAVE to look at it like that.
We HAVE to keep our eyes focused on the bigger picture.
We HAVE to keep a smile plastered to our faces.
We HAVE to look for the positives.
We HAVE to take it as it comes.
We HAVE to be strong, tough, smart, dedicated, decisive.
We just HAVE to.
Because we will not live in defeat or despair. No, we will thrive. So will our children. We will choose joy. We will love. We will LIVE. Despite diabetes. Or perhaps... because of it...
Sometimes, for split second, we SEE.
We SEE how crazy this is.
We SEE the implications and consequences of one little mistake.
We SEE that we have very little control.
We SEE that we can do everything right and it might not matter.
We SEE that other people don't live like this.
We SEE that we never imagined that this would be our lives.
We SEE that it's scary. And it hurts.
We SEE that we are forever changed.
Those split seconds... they stop us cold.
And they makes us so very thankful that we even have the opportunity to save lives.