Not only have I Found the Cure, I've got all the answers!! So if you couldn't get to that tree moss or you can't get ahold of the healer- you have come to the right place!!
I should have known better than to post that cgm pic. D is always looking for us to open the door and I did just that. "Oh, you think you THAT was a petty picture.... How about THIS?".
I really didn't want to post this. I really don't want to tell this story.
I'd rather pretend it didn't happen. Drown my sorrows in a McDonald's coke and some Peeps.
You need to know. I don't have all the answers. Not even close.
I'm not a doctor. I just play one in real life.
I'm a blogger. I tell our story because I know we are not alone. I tell our story because I hope that it helps someone out there feel like someone else gets it. To feel like they are not living this life in isolation.
I'm not an expert. I may not have been living with Diabters any longer than you. There's a good chance I don't know any more about Diabtetes than you do.
I'm a mom. A mom who is trying desperately to be a pancreas. A mom who, at times, feels like she is failing miserably.
Today we went to the endocrinologist.
You know where this is going...
Sweetpea's A1c 3 months ago was 7.1.
Today is was 8.0.
I am not happy. I am disappointed. And I am confused.
I know some of the possible reasons...
The doctor we saw last time felt that 7.1 was too low. She felt that Sweets had too many lows. And while I was thrilled with that A1c... If I'm being honest- she DID have too many lows.
LOW lows. Like 30's... Or 28.
We have fixed this. The lows she has been having recently have been in the 60's and 70's.
So that's GOOD.
But apparently, I underestimated the power of those lows.
Also, I know Sweets has been sick a LOT this winter. A couple rounds of strep. A bad stomach flu. All with ketones and high bg's. Not to mention the slow bg rise due to colds.
AND.... The dawn phenomenon. She's grown BIG TIME! She has grown 2 inches in 3 months!! (No weight gain- still at 35 whole pounds!) That growth hormone has been in full effect raising her bg AND her height in the wee hours of the morning.
So I get that there are reasons WHY.
And I realize that 8.0 is good for a child her age. In fact, the ADA recommends 8.5 for a 5 year old.
As I sit in front the computer tonight I'm not sure I can remember the last time I felt this lost about what to do next.
Because even with all the crazy that has been thrown at us the past few months, I thought we had responded to it effectively. I felt like we had been making good progress with prebolusing. I thought we were headed in the right direction.
And I feel like I just found out the direction I've been walking in was totally wrong.
I know you can't live your life based on the numbers. I know the numbers are just a guide to tell us where to go. I know that it's just a number - and in no way a reflection of my pancreating ability.
It's a number that means so much.
It's a number that tells me that my daughter's eyes are safer.
It's a number that tells me that her heart is safer.
It's a number that tells me that her kidneys are safer.
It's a number that tells me that her limbs are safer.
It's a number that tells me that her life will be longer.
How can THAT be just a number?
How can we not feel a little sad when it's higher than we'd like or joyful when it shows tight control?
All we can do is pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and keep on plugging away. Keep on reading and researching. Keep on blogging. Keep on advocating. Keep on putting one foot in front of the other.
And keep on working on those carb counts, or basal rates, or carb ratios, or ISF's...
Because when you live life with Type 1 Diaberes, you DO live a life ruled by the numbers.
Like it or not...